My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
