I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
