: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
