I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
