It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
