Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
