the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
