haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
