Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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