Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize