Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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