After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
