I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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