tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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