Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
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A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize