oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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