Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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