The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
