You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
two words: eviction party
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who