I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
where are you?
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?