This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"