I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
