once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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