you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
