On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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