I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
