Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
