i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
