I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
