I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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