pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
