Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
