My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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