he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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