We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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