i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
