porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
