I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize