well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
