dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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