Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
