I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm too high and old for this...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
