My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize