He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
