I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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