quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
