Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
