I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
