My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
