She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
