Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
