u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
