The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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