Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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