I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize