Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
