She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
