I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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