I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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