You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm at about main and main street
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
