I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
