I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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