if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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