Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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